Men feel cared for and valued when they are respected. This isn’t a new concept, but it is often disagreed with. In our current culture, it’s not uncommon to hear women speaking out against men, or asserting their power in some way. I’m not saying this is all bad, I’m saying that sometimes when women speak out they could be speaking against their husband or marriage. Husbands need to feel valued and respected just like wives need to feel valued and loved. Of course, husbands need to feel loved and wives need to feel respected. Although there is tons of research that points to a higher need for men to feel respected and women to feel loved. Let’s use this data, and help it strengthen your marriage.
Here are some steps wives can take to help their husband feel appreciated.
Greet your man with a kiss. That’s right, get up from what you are doing, walk over to him and give him a kiss. This act may speak volumes to him, that he matters. It might even start a little flirting behavior between you two.
Talk up your man. Tell him what you appreciate. Tell him what you see in him that you love.
Talk positively about him to others. Your man will feel valued when he hears about this, and your relationships will be supported by others because of what you say about your husband and your marriage. Your words matter. Your words will build up your marriage or tear it down.
Don’t belittle his intelligence.
Give him time. When he talks to you, put your phone away, turn off the tv, tell your children to wait a turn to talk to you. Give your husband a time for your attention.
Remember why you married him and tell him of it.
Honor your husband. This simply means protect the role of your husband. Keep your husband as the only man you speak very intimately with, share your heart with, go out to dinner with, text with, cry with, etc. There should be special activities that are only for your husband. Set him apart, and he will do the same for you.
Be kind to his family. Even if you can’t stand his father, or his sister gets on your nerves, be kind. Think of how it makes you feel if your husband hates on your family. Doesn’t it make you feel awful and put in the middle? Don’t put your husband in that situation, instead protect his heart, protect your marriage, be kind to his family.
Don’t hate on him. Sounds easy right? Criticism can quickly destroy marriages. Hold your tongue and think about how you are making your husband feel before you mention him not putting the toilet seat down, or mentioning something you need him to change. The message you say will not be received well, if you are not kind. Infact, it could push you away from him and create an obstacle in your marriage. Tread lightly.
Notice Timing. If you have a disagreement to bring up, please do not bring it up after he had a difficult day at work, or has been not feeling well, or is hungry. Notice when a good time is to talk to him. If you don’t think it’s a good time, wait.
Go to bed with him. Make an effort to go to sleep with your man, even if it’s the time you want to be by yourself or watch tv. What message are you giving to your husband if you choose to not end the day with him?
Have sex. That’s right, I said it. Sometimes you think you are too tired, or not in the mood. It’s ok to not be hot and ready, sometimes being intimate with your man feels right a few minutes into it. You don’t always want to exercise, but always feel great once you’re doing it.
Make a special meal for him. Notice what he likes and make a meal for him. Sometimes the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
Remember that your personal actions reflect on him even when you are apart.
Love him. How does he feel loved? Discover if it’s through acts of service, quality time, physical touch, receiving gifts or words of affirmations. Make sure you love on him through his love language.
Don’t undermine him. This doesn’t mean don’t ever disagree with him. This means don’t do it in front of other people. It shows respect for him and your marriage to show a united front. Don’t undermine him discipling your child in front of your child. Kindly talk about it in the other room when the time is right.
Tell him you love him.
Be on his team. Let him know you support him. Listen to him. Especially when he seems stressed, don’t give him advice, or take the other person’s side, help him feel that you are on his team. The need to feel supported by you may be more important than receiving advice.
Give him space. If he seems agitated, and you ask him what is wrong, and he is not willing to talk respect him by listening to his need to not talk right now. Understand that this does not mean you are not important. It’s not about you. Remember he is a person too and may just need some space to process what’s going on inside of him before talking.
Meet him at his work and go to lunch.
Flirt with your husband. Give him attention. Tell him what is cute about him. Give him a pet name.
Wear his favorite outfit from your closet.
Start an inside joke with him. Something that only you and him will know. Have fun with it.
Build him up to your kids. Tell your kids why you chose him to marry. Tell your kids a story of something good that he has done, and how you hope they can make the same choice.
Get up with your man. Have coffee with him.
Stand up for him. If your child tries to get you to make a different decision, always side with your man. Don’t let others cause dissention in your marriage. It may seem like a small thing at first, but siding with others against your spouse can deteriorate your connection.
Don’t make big decisions without him. I know you are capable of making decisions without your man. You’re an independent woman. Do you think if you consult with your husband you are saying that you are not able to make the decision yourself? Let me offer you this, bringing your husband into decisions is telling him that his opinion matters and he is important. Talking to him about things before making decisions including him in it, making him a part of it.
Ask him his opinion. What man doesn’t like to be asked this?
Pray for your husband. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your husband is to lift him up in prayer and let God do the rest.
Encourage friendships. Encourage your husband to have relationships with other men that support your marriage. This does not mean encouraging him to go to the bar with his single friends. Healthy marriages have spouses that have relationships with people who support their marriage. These are friends who are married and/or have the same values.
Have respectful friendships. If you have a friend that likes to hate on your man, or is always inviting you to do things that are not honoring to your marriage, cut this friendship off. Harsh right? Not really. Why would you put your marriage under fire? Is this friendship worth losing your marriage? Choose your husband and marriage over friends. You’re not married to your friend.
Don’t hate on your husband to others. Don’t tell your mom all the horrible things he said in your last argument. Your mom will remember this and could cause a rift in your marriage later. Set clear boundaries on who you will vent about your husband. If you feel the need to talk about your husband to others, choose who you do this with wisely, and consider how it will affect your marriage.
Help him lead your family spiritually by providing him with resources he needs to encourage the family.
Be his best friend. Keep conversations that you have with your husband private.
Have talks with him that you do not have with others. Don’t have intimate conversations with other men. Protect the role of husband and wife. What things do you only do with each other? Sex shouldn’t be the only thing you keep special for each other.Plan a surprise get away with him.
Keep his secrets.
Take interest in something he likes, because you love him. Learn about football, make some snacks for the game and watch it with him because you know it’s important to him.
Buy him a thoughtful gift. Show him you thought of him.
Give forgiveness. Give him grace.
Text him a sweet text.
Email him a love letter.
Rub his back when you sit next to him.
Hold his hand in public.
Plan a date at least 1x a month.
Get dressed up for him.
Spend money wisely.
Surprise him with a sexy moment.
Set time each day to love on him.
Do something for him. If you know he feels happy coming home to a clean living room. Put the pillows away and fold the blankets so that he can feel calm coming into the room.
Include him in something you love. Tell him why you love it and tell him you are telling him about it cause you want him to be a part of it.
Have fun with him ! Do something fun, just because. Try a new hobby together. Think of something fun you would do when you were dating, and do it again.
Sit on his lap. Give him a hug for no reason.
Refrain from interrupting when he talks.
Pray over him when he is going through some tough decisions and stressful situations.
Smile at him.
Tell him something you admire about him.
Ask him about his day.
Dress in a way that makes him feel he’s worth it. Surprised by this? Does it really matter how you dress? It sure does. I once went to a high school dance and my date didn’t shave and wasn’t dressed up. He didn’t have to tell me he wasn’t excited about our date, his dress spoke for him.
Let him drive.
Give him a space of his own in your house.
Let him have the reclining chair, even if it doesn’t match.
Thank God for him everytime you think of him.
Honor his requests.
Encourage him in his line of work.
Initiate love making.
Make his favorite meal.
Tell things to your husband in a factual way without all the fluff.
Let him know what you like most in bed.
Respond to his thoughts and advice with enthusiasm.
Celebrate your husband’s success.
Ask for his help.
Focus on what he is doing right.
Give him space when spending time on his hobbies.
Respect his likes and dislikes.
Kindly try to understand his reasons when you don’t agree.
Refrain from comparing him to other men.
Be happy and positive when he is home.
Ask for forgiveness.
Wear clothing that don’t flaunt your body, but flatters it, especially when you are around other men.
Have sexy outfits that you only wear for your husband.
Speak honorably about him and to him in front of the kids.
Humbly admit your mistakes.
Refrain from placing the blame on him when something goes wrong.
Respect his stuff, ask before moving or throwing away something that is important to him.
Show an interest in his friends.
Do what you need to feel secure about yourself and feel pretty, so you can be flirty with your man.
Give him advance warning of family activities, scheduled and events.
Buy his favorite brand of personal products.
Before bombarding him with home life, give him some time to unwind when he comes home.
Let him do his “ to do list” in his own time…. Even if his timing isn’t your timing.
Defend your husband if others speak disrespectfully about him.
Have reasonable and realistic expectations of him.
Thank him for providing for you and your family.
Tell him what you appreciate in him.
Be his cheerleader when he is discouraged, remind him of his strengths.
Notice and thank him for the things he does right.
Remind him of a fun time you had together in your past. Reminisce.
Fight for your man.
Never give up trying to love even when it seems hard. Sometimes love is an act, not an emotion. The feeling of love comes later.
Be a wife. No one else is his wife. He chose you. Remember this. Set yourself apart for him.
Well, there you have it, 100 ways to respect your husband. What are something you do that show respect for your husband? Did I miss anything? Husbands, feel free to comment if I left something out that is important to you.
The bottom line is that husbands have an easier time loving their wives the way they should when they feel respected. On the same note, women have an easier time respecting their husbands when they feel loved. One spouse needs to start this beautiful cycle, will it be you?
Natalie Teeters, MS, psychotherapist
True Life Counseling, TLC,
Interested in learning how to help your marriage? Call me for more information or to schedule a session.