Parenting Teens……. A story of truth. Read a short story that parallels a helpful way of parenting teens.
Messages worth Noticing
Parents are you Dope? Do you know the slang words your teenager is using?
Imagine you could've given your child one thing before they started life. What would that be?
Scenario: You are expecting a child:
Imagine you can give your child one thing before they start life. What would this be?
Lots of Money
Fame
Unlimited Success
High Intelligence
Happiness
Talent in Music
Talent in Athletics
Resilience
Fun
Laughter
Prestige
Courage
Security
Relationship with God
If I had a quarter for every parent who told me they would want their child to be happy, I’d be rich. I hear this all the time in family therapy. I understand that it brings parents joy to see their child happy. It makes us happy to see them happy.
I also hear “ If I could only have more money to give them what they want.” Money, financial security, is something most parents desire for their children. Why is this so? I believe we want our children to be safe and secure. I wonder if parents think money provides this for them. But does it really? Do you know of people who have lots of money, but no joy in life? Have you met someone who may own a beach house, only to covet their neighbor’s home? I do. Money doesn't buy happiness, in fact, it’s joy is fleeting.
Isn’t it a much richer joyful feeling when you see your child/ teen/adult child have strength and courage when dealing with suffering in this world, or when your child/teen/adult child have the ability to make the most out of the beauty that life has to offer. Isn’t it even better to see your child see joy or beauty in the life they are given, even when situations are not particularly beautiful? The saying “ make lemonade out of lemons” What a great example of when you are given a sour situation, find sugar to add to make it more pleasurable.
An example of this would be:
Sour Moment : Your car breaks down, you need a tow.
Add Sugar : You decide to see what positive you have in this moment:
Sugar (Positives) :
You have an ability to talk with the tow truck driver. Maybe you are in this moment for a reason. Your words can be helpful to him.You may help someone else by being kind. You have a free moment to read that article you couldn’t when you were driving. You can send a friend an encouraging text. You can read your devotion today, that you missed. If your child is with you, you have a chance to teach your child how to be strong in strife and be positive in a negative moment.
Lemonade: You turned a negative moment into a purposeful one. You were given lemons, and you made lemonade. You experienced a positive emotion in a negative experience. Overcoming negativity creates positive changes in you !
Last, I have found that clients who believe in a higher power, have greater joy in life. This may be because it gives them a purpose in their lives. This purpose drives them, giving them courage and joy. Also, believing in God, helps them not feel that they are not alone in this world. They find their identity in God, which gives them the power to cancel out any negative believes their past ingrained in them. Believing in God, can create life transformations.
So I ask you again, if you could give your child one thing before they start life, what would it be? Are you doing things in your life to give this thing to them?
Natalie Teeters, MS, psychotherapist
Interested in learning more about this or starting counseling with Natalie Teeters, MS.
Call 720-795-4914. Already scheduled teen session? You may fill out teen intake form here.
The Teenage Brain
The Teenage Brain. It’s not the same as adults or children and may be why teens seem so different at times.
Teenagers face different struggles than adults and should be treated accordingly.
Teenagers are susceptible to peer pressure and increased risk taking due to their brain development.
“ There is a mismatch between the 2 systems in the teenage brain. The limbic system, which gives you the rewarding feeling of taking risks, is structurally more developed before the prefrontal cortex, which stops you from taking risks.” ( Blakemore, 2019)
To find out even more valueble information about the teenage brain view these articles below.
https://www.edutopia.org/article/decoding-teenage-brain-3-charts
Happy Teenagers are Doing This !
#HappyTeenagers, #TeenTips, #Risktaking,# TeenCounseling
When adults think of teens they often think of risk taking, or teens thinking they are invincible. Although the research is pointing to the fact that teen risk- taking may be what is making teens happy.
Robert Biswas-Diener and Todd Kashdan, two positive psychologists, claim that truly happy people understand “happiness is not just about doing things that you like. It also requires growth and adventuring beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone.”
They found that when teens were pushed out of their comfort zone, when they experienced. A study led by Kashdan and psychologist Michael Steger found that “curious people invest in activities that cause them discomfort as a springboard to higher psychological peaks.” This means that when a teenager experiences loss, frustration, despair, it propels them to try harder to feel better, and create a happier place. For instance, teenagers who found themselves homeless might be more courageous about working hard in school and creating stability in their lives. Their discomfort of homelessness, created a desire to strive for a “ better life” . Risk taking often works in the same way for teenagers.
A study by Marilyn Price-Mitchell Ph.D in 2010 with college students showed that teens, like adults, find happiness when they experience risk-taking. At the peak of their discomfort, students made comments, including:
“I crossed barriers in my mind.”
“I felt scared.”
“I felt liberated.”
“What a powerful experience.”
“I was way out of my comfort zone.”
What risk-taking experiences caused them to make these comments? Were they high on drugs or alcohol? The opposite was true. Students described the positive experience of pushing their psychological boundaries as they participated in many community service activities. Some of these students came face to face with people living in situations very different from their own, like poverty or homelessness. Others were doing physical labor that stretched them to new levels of endurance. Several feared failure as they set their sights on unimaginable goals to benefit others. Marilyn Price-Mitchell Ph.D found that even though these students came from highly diverse backgrounds, they shared in common the sense of accomplishment and self- esteem that came from working with others, learning to solve problems and pushing their comfort zones.
Risk taking is a part of growing up, but I think it is even more than that. Risk taking helps teens to develop independence and identities which lead them to becoming adults. It helps them learn what they are capable of accomplishing and gaining insight into the meaning of their lives.
Teenage Brain.
The Teenage Brain. It’s not the same as adults or children and may be why teens seem so different at times.
Teenagers face different struggles than adults and should be treated accordingly.
Teenagers are susceptible to peer pressure and increased risk taking due to their brain development.
“ There is a mismatch between the 2 systems in the teenage brain. The limbic system, which gives you the rewarding feeling of taking risks, is structurally more developed before the prefrontal cortex, which stops you from taking risks.” ( Blakemore, 2019)
To find out even more valueble information about the teenage brain view these articles below.
https://www.edutopia.org/article/decoding-teenage-brain-3-charts
Teenagers.....
Parenting a teenager is not cut & dry. Nights spent worrying about your teen’s behavior changes, if they’re too social, or not social enough, dealing with school problems alright, or if their anger is too much for their age. The teenage years can be challenging, but not only for parents. It’s often helpful to look at what the pro’s say about teens to give us adults a different perspective.
First, rebellious teen behavior could stem more from biology than stubbornness, says Yurgelun-Todd.
"Don't assume that because you've laid out the argument or presented the idea that teenagers are interpreting it in the same way you've presented it," she advises. "The frontal cortex is continuing to develop, and if you don't have the neural structure in place, the adolescent cannot really think things through at the same level as an adult.”
In a 2006 study by Silveri, Yurgelun-Todd and colleagues in Magnetic Resonance Imaging (Vol. 24, No. 7, pages 833-841), the researchers found an association between white matter organization and impulse control in both boys and girls. Their findings suggest that white matter in their brain is one of the reasons that teens have difficulty processing information as they should
Next Social Anxiety :
“A lot of teenage behavior is about avoiding this anxiety of feeling left out and not being a part of things," she says.
Isabelle Rosso, PhD, who also works in Yurgelun-Todd's lab, and colleagues reported that as adolescents' abstract reasoning skills increased, so did their levels of social anxiety.
So not only is teenage behavior driven by wanting to avoid anxiety, but as their reasoning increases, their anxiety increases as well.
So next time your teen seems angry, or is acting difficult, maybe consider more could be going on than just bad attitude.
#Adolescent Angst. #Troubling Teen Behavior.# Problems in School. #Anger at Home. #How to help.
