What are the Benefits to learning how to co-parent?
What are the Benefits to learning how to Effectively Co- Parent with your Ex?
Helps your child feel secure.
The consistency you make with your ex benefits your child.
Children who see their parents problem solve together rather than fight, learn how to problem solve themselves.
Each time you cooperate with your ex, you are a role model to him/her on how to cooperate and get along in his/her own life.
Avoiding fights with your ex help your child have less chances developing anxiety, ADHD or depression.
If these reason’s aren’t enough for you, then it may be helpful to put yourself in your child/ children’s shoes? How would it feel to be a child and have your parents fight, not agree on rules or always have to hear negative comments about the other parent? I bet it would feel really lousy. Studies show that toddlers who have secure, trusting relationships with parents or non-parent caregivers experience minimal stress hormone activation when frightened by a strange event, and those who have insecure relationships experience a significant activation of the stress response system
(https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/inbrief-the-impact-of-early-adversity-on-childrens-development/. Therefore, whether you are married or not isn’t the deciding factor, but that the parents form secure, trusting relationships with minimal stress at home.
Further research by Macie and Stolberg ( K.M. Macie, A.L. StolbergAssessing parenting after divorce: the co-parenting behavior questionnaire ,J Divorce Remarriage, 39 (2003), pp. 89-107) found that the children's perception about the coparental behavior of parents significantly predicted their symptoms of anxiety and depression, explaining 37% of the variance in this internalizing indicator. Additionally, that study showed that specific dimensions of coparenting, such as conflict, communication, triangulation, and coparental respect/cooperation, were associated with symptoms of anxiety and depression assessed either by the parents or by the children's self-report. This research shows the importance of not having your child perceive, or witness conflict, poor communication, lack of respect between spouses. Children that witness or perceive this type of behavior have been proven to have anxiety and depression symptoms.
Research helps us understand and apply truth to our lives. My hope is that children can have less psychological symptoms because their home feels safe, secure and cooperative. All this takes, is one moment at a time, choosing to do what you think is best for your child. Have you heard the saying one day at a time, well, I’m a parent too, and I realize sometimes the days can be long, and it’s more helpful to just take it “ one moment at a time. “ However you do it, I’m sure your child will thank you when he/she is a healthy functioning adult.
Natalie Teeters, psychotherapist True Life Counseling
(720) 795-4914