Tips to help your child transition betweem two homes
Children of divorced parents often transition between two households. Whether they do this every few days or every week, the act of saying good by to one parent or saying hello to another can be challenging for the child. Here are some concerete suggestions that could help your child deal with these transition easier.
First, as your child prepares to leave your home to go to your ex’s home, try to stay as positive and supportive as possible. Do everything possible to help your child leave your presence on a positive note.
Help your child cope with the transition by giving him/her a few days notice of the upcoming transition. Help have their personal items ready to make a smooth move to the other home.
Help your child pack in advance, so the final moments together are not a mad dash to find that needed soccer jersy for the game this weekend, or completed homework assignment for tommorrow’s classes. Adding a personal transitional object, like a stuffed animal, or picture could help your child feel secure no matter which home he/she is living in.
If possible, drop off your child at the other parents home. When you do this you avoid interrupting a conversation or moment with the co-parent while out and about. If you pick up your child, or exchange him/her, you don’t know what moment has been interrupted. In simplier terms, drop off instead of pick up.
Give your child space- when your child transitions to your home, give him/her time to adjust to the new surroundings. Your child will come to you when he or she is ready and comfortable.
Double up: Have double of certain items such as tooth brushes, jackets, and pajamas at both houses. This will give your child more rest and security.
Give your child Chill- Time: When your child first comes to your home, try to have some quiet time together. Read a book, snuggle together, do a calm activity.
Routine : Develop a routine that you do every day your child transitions to your home. For example, prepare the same special meal the day your son returns to your home, or play a certain board game. Children thrive on knowing what to expect. This gives children a sense of security in an imperfect, ever changing world. Routines help children focus on something similar and safe.
I hope this list helps you consider ways to create security and safety for your child during transitioning homes. Divorce is not easy, but take heart in knowing there are a few simple things that you can do that make a big impact in your child’s life.
Natalie Teeters, psychotherapist, ( 720) 795-4914
