Have a new kid in a week !
Interesting title, huh. Can we change our children’s behavior, the undesirable behavior, in a week? Maybe.
Research shows that there are some skills that parents can use to create positive changes in their children. These skills often also create more peace in their home. Who doesn’t want that?
A study by the University of Toronto found what really matters in parenting. “ A large body of research on attitudes indicates that parental warmth together with reasonable levels of control combine to produce positive child outcomes. “ ( Parents’ Attitudes and Beliefs: Their Impact on Children’s Development, Joan E. Grusec, PhD, Tanya Danyliuk, BA, University of Toronto, Canada, December 2014, Rev. ed.). This finding suggests that it is the manner the parents relate to their children, rather than saying the right words. The warmth and sense of control that parents can provide to their children is paramount. How exactly can parents be warm and provide a sense of control ? Parents do this by listening to their children, working on the relationship they have with their children before focusing on punishing. The most important part of establishing a healthy relationship with your child is using active listening. By listening to your child, you can hear their excitement when they tell you about an upcoming party, you can empathize with them when they share their disappointment in not making the basketball team and you can accept their frustration when their plans do not work out. The skill in active listening is realizing it is “ listening”; not fixing. It can be very freeing to realize that you do not need to “ fix” every problem or situation that your child presents to you, but by actively listening to him/her you are providing the warmth and security that he/she needs. Let’s look at the power in active listening:
- When you Listen to them; you are saying “ You are important to me, what you are saying is important and I am here for you. “
- By Listening to their emotion, you are saying “ What you feel matters, and how you see the world matters. “
- By Not Fixing, but Listening, you are saying “ I believe in you and your ability to make a good decision. “
By Actively Listening, parents are telling their children, “ I’m on your team, I”m behind you, I believe in you,.” Once your child feels like you are on their side, trust is built. It is then that he/she may ask your opinion or advice. Now your suggestions will be accepted with love instead of frustration. You child will have the courage to use your suggestion ( or not ), and the confidence to know there is safety, love and help in you. Your toddler may say “ no “ to you less because he now feels you’ve taken the time to try to understand him. You teen may be more respectful with your rules, your authority since she felt understood by you. Your ten year old may remember to take a deep breath and not yell at you from the other room to help her find her volleyball shirt. Active listening doesn’t solve every problem. What is does do is help create a solid, safe foundation of trust, a good relationship. This may be the added incentive your child needs to not overreact, but try to be better. Try active listening with your child today. Give your child 10 uninterrupted child-lead conversation minutes a day for a week and see what positive changes occur because of it. #ParentingwiththePro’s #TrueLifeBlog, #ActiveListening, #@TrueLifeCounseling, #@NatalieTeetersCounseling,
Natalie Teeters, MS
Want to learn more about this topic?
Dr. Kevin Leman in "Have a New Kid by Friday" - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJWlHywSKA0